Don't Call Me BabeChapter 6 is UP! Woowooo!
by Moonfire
Summary: My Disney Hercules Hades and Persephone love/hate story
1. The Boss is Not Happy

Stupid Cupid: Stop Picking on Hades!  
  
  
Author's Note: Just like the 50s song. If you know it, you know how appropriate it is. If you don't, you need to listen to the Oldies station more often;) My rendition of the Persephone/Hades love/hate adventure, based on Disney's Hercules. This would be the continuation of the latter. Please, no flames. (No pun intended)  
  
Chapter 1 - The Boss is NOT Happy  
  
Indeed, Hades was in a - really - bad mood when he arose from the swirling whirpool of vapors where he'd spent the last few hours involuntarily mingling with his ghostly subjects. What had gone around had come around in the form of grabbing, name calling, pummeling, and that had been from the nicer part of the population. The more unsavory ones had subjected him to a fate worse than death in ways even he wouldn't have thought of on his worst days.   
  
Hades emerged, dripping with ectoplasm and scowling deeply. He summoned his fearsome subjects, Pain and Panic.   
  
"PAIN! PANIC!"  
  
Said subjects jumped at the sound of his ear-splitting bellow and abandoned their plot to take over the Underworld. Why did their master have to ruin all their fun just when it was getting good? They hoped he wouldn't notice the mustache they'd drawn on Hades' father's portrait in the tunnel, for one thing. Or the hole they'd blasted in front of Hades' throne and hastily covered up with rubble.   
  
They slid into view, supressing giggles at the sight of him, then shrieks of fear as Hades exploded into a yellow burst of fury.   
  
"What are you staring at?" he yelled, fists clenched as he stomped toward them. "We have work to do!"  
  
"Yes, Your Ominousness!"  
  
The pair mock-saluted, then took off so fast they bumped into each other, as usual. The dark lord of the underworld rolled his eyes. At least that was back to normal.   
  
But when he emerged into the throne chamber with the little pink and blue imps in the lead, he was immediately met by a blast of unfamiliar rock music from the entrance to the death pool. The group Styx was playing "Grand Illusion" by the river Styx, as the incoming souls came shrieking by, clearly oblivious to this new welcoming committee.   
Pain and Panic sang along with them, temporarily distracted and oblivious to their bewildered master's presence.   
  
"Welcome to our grand illusion!  
Come inside and see what's happening!  
Get yourself some tickets for the showwww!"  
  
They proceeded to fill in the non-singing part with air guitars. Hades grabbed both of them in mid-pirouette. "WHAT" he thundered, gesturing violently to the ghost band from the future, "is THAT???"  
  
"We...(choke)...wanted to...(gag-cough)...LIVEN the place up a little!" sputtered Pain as Hades worked his neck with his hand, puffing out his face like a balloon between words. The band had stopped playing and sank out of sight, leaving only a few guitar strings behind.   
  
"LIVEN IT UP???" Hades shrieked, spouting fire. "LIVEN IT UP??? Everybody's SUPPOSED to be dead!!!"  
  
The walls shook and clanged with the sound of his rage. With a growl, Hades threw his subjects down like balls that rolled back into position with a pop. The black vapor clouds around his feet swirled thicker as he approached the throne room at a furious pace. Pain and Panic flitted beside him nervously, exchanging glances. "What other 'redecorating' have you done?" he demanded, just before the floor disappeared beneath him.   
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!"  
  
Pain and Panic peered down the hole they had created, and in which their master now floated up from, panting with rage. "This is not good." Panic muttered, just before darting out of the way of Hades' pointed finger, which now spouted fire.   
  
ZAPPPP!!! went the fire, scorching the imps' retreating forms, which couldn't retreat fast enough.   
  
"I leave you guys alone for FIVE MINUTES, and what do you do? You turn it into a PLAYGROUND! Meanwhile, the denizens of the ectoplasmic ooze beneath your scrawny little feet have been playing with ME! You have no idea! I thought I was NEVER gonna get my hair lit again..."  
  
The two minions just stared at him blankly, still sizzling and sooty like burnt toast. One of Panic's hairs made a hissing sound that filled the silence behind Hades' words. Hades' mouth twitched to one side in his characteristic show of realizing his words weren't sinking in.   
  
"Just bring me my dinner, will ya fellas? Can you manage THAT?"  
Promptly, they scattered. Hades sat on his throne with his head in his hands. "Aye-yi-yi..." 


	2. The Dating Game from Hell

*Author's Note: Ya know that pastoral scene in Fantasia with all the satyrs and cotton candy colored trees? Well, that's what the abode of Persephone looks like in this chapter;)  
  
  
Chapter 2: The Dating Game From Hell  
  
A prismatic rainbow that would have put the Skittles commercial to shame arced through the baby blue sky over the island in the sea beyond the sea. This was where Demeter and her daughter Persephone had their abode, and called it Green Pastures, Inc. The blonde, blue eyed 18 year old Persephone had been released from helping her mother with blessing that day's crops and now frolicked in one of the meadows with her attendants, Pleasure and Peace. They, like Pain and Panic, were also pink and blue, but were the latter's more comely counterparts. They were also smarter, if a little on the ditzy side.   
  
"I see a flower with my name on it!" shrieked Pleasure, running toward the meadow with Peace on her heels.   
  
"Oh no you don't, you know what happened last time!" scolded Peace. You got so much pollen up your nose you sneezed us out of the house for a WEEK!"  
  
A new voice sounded sweetly from behind them. "Girls, what are you babbling about?"   
  
Persephone bent over them with a teasing smile, brushing the grass with her knee-length wavy hair. She wore a light pink chiffon dress with draped sleeves with openings. There was another opening for the stomach which showed a butterfly tattoo over the navel and a pink gem stud. Her dainty porcelain feet were clad in gold sandels with woven straps that went up to her slim but curvy hips. She ignored her companions as a faun started up a gleeful tune on his pipe from an invisible location, which prompted a group of fellow satyrs to dance near them. Persephone started her own dance, twirling and leaping around like a deer under a chiffon gold waterfall.   
  
It was here that Hades, on his way to Mount Olympus to "negotiate" with Zeus, beheld the lovely Persephone for the first time. Pain and Panic also stopped dead in their tracks beside the now hovering black gryphon-drawn chariot. The first words out of Hades' mouth were:   
  
"Chihuahua!"  
  
Ordinarily, he didn't make such a fuss over a girl, goddess or mortal. Even on the rare occasions that one DID stir his dark passions, he covered it up with his usual sarcasm and denial. He immediately turned and felt his back to see if there was an arrow in it. No arrow. Hm, what could this mean? Number one, that he'd been in the pool of souls too long, number two, Pain and Panic had slipped a love potion into his food as one of their sick jokes, number three, that this girl was really getting to him.   
  
His mind decided on the latter. His aides unanimously pushed his gaping mouth back into place before theirs, too, gaped open at the sight of the frolicking Pleasure and Peace. They morphed into a panting dog that growled. Hades eyes were still glazed over.   
  
"My sentiments exactly, boys." he said. "It looks like our plans for the day have changed." he added as a sly smile snaked across his face. He whispered those plans to Pain and Panic, who started laughing so hard they almost startled the three females below. Hades slapped a hand over each of their mouths before whipping his gryphon charge out of sight into some yonder trees.   
  
Pain and Panic grabbed Pleasure and Peace while they gallavanted around the flowers and held them hostage. Persephone hadn't noticed since she was so busy playing ring around the rosy with the satyrs. After gagging and binding the female imps, Pain and Panic morphed into their likenesses and ran out into the meadow where Persephone was telling off a very flirtatious Phil, who had crashed their party just at that moment.   
  
"Hey babe, what's your sign?" he wiggled his eyebrows at the disgusted Persephone, who started walking away.   
  
"Stop!" she said, wrinkling her nose.   
  
She was saved from further persistance from Phil when Pleasure and Peace came rushing out at her. "Your mother's been hit by a falling tree!" Pleasure said from around her ankles. "Hurry!"  
  
With a gasp, Persephone ran to the edge of the meadow that stopped at a dark forest. The disguised voice of her mother came from somewhere inside it, calling for help. She rushed in...  
  
...only to find herself in a strange building with a robed escort who led her to a waiting chair with a single spotlight. "Where's my mother?" she said in a panic.   
  
"Not to worry my dear, she's been taken care of by the doctors and they're taking her home now. But you've just won a spot on the Dating Game! Just sit right there and the host will explain everything to you."   
  
The attendant, who had really been Hades in disguise, laughed at his own genius. He disappeared around a corner, morphed into the host, and came back out. Persephone looked totally confused and more than a little perplexed, but she played along.   
  
"Ah, here you are!" he beamed, hovering around her like all annoying game show hosts do. "Such a lovely young lady you are, too! How you feeling? Good!" he finished, clapping his hands together before she could answer. "Such fine weather we're having. Now let's get started! We have three dashing young bachelor gods with us today who are going to try to win a date with you." Persephone's face brightened considerably and she giggled. Hades couldn't resist a smirk. "I'll let them take their turns trying to charm you and you get to decide which one shares your sunshine, you with me?" Persephone nodded dumbly. "Good! Let's get started! Heeeeeer's Bachelor number one!"  
  
Pain's feeble and slimy voice started out. "Eeeah, I'm short but sweet, love music and dancing and I'm allergic to shellfish. How 'bout you let me swim in YOUR ocean, baby?" Persephone made a face and Hades as host smacked his forehead.   
  
"A real winner, that one is." he said sarcastically. "Let's go to Bachelor number two!"  
  
Panic started his own bad sound effects to a rap song to put his feelings into words. "A boom-boom-chick! A boom-boom-chick! (complete with spitting and grunting sounds) I've been around the world but never seen a girl like you (ahuh-a-huh-ahuh)...I like the way you walk, the way you talk, even the way you chew! Boom-boom-smack, boom-boom-smack, grunta-grunta pppppbttt!"  
  
Hades' face was now buried in his hands. Persephone was in total shock, her eyes glazed over, her hands gripping the chair. "What...was....that?" she uttered.   
  
"Excuse me for a moment." Hades said, zipping out of sight. Instead of returning, he sent Pain out as the morphed host, and ducked into the third makeshift booth. "And now, last but not least...Bachelor number three!" Pain announced with flourish. Immediately, cigarette smoke that smelled like incense curled up over the booth and reached out with sentient tendrils to tickle Persephone under the chin. A suave, smooth male voice sounded from the booth. "Pay no attention to those imbeciles." he said in a serpentine way, his words measured and hypnotizing her. "I am the one you want, my succulent little sunflower. I will give you everything your heart desires. A night out with me will leave you...dying...for more."  
  
Persephone sat frozen, with shock or amazement she didn't know which. "So which bachelor will it be?" the host said. "One, two or three?"  
  
"No contest." Persephone said, fairly swooning. "I gotta go with number three."   
  
Immediately, the scene vanished to be replaced by the very real, and very dark, forest, lit now only by Hades' blue glow. Pain and Panic emerged with a flourish, jumping in front of him. "Ta-daaa!" they said for emphasis.   
  
"Heh-heh, good work, boys." Hades smiled one of his rare smiles at them.   
  
"Hades!" Persephone yelled in a very unsunshiny voice. "You tricked me you son of a..."  
  
The god held up his hand. "Now, now, none of that. You have to claim your consolation prize. Rather, I have to claim my consolation prize. You owe me a date, remember?" Before she could scream for her mother or protest, he picked her swiftly up, slung her over his shoulder and carried her off in his chariot. Pain and Panic soon joined them with Pleasure and Peace still gagged in the seat.   
  
"What have you done with Pleasure and Peace?" Persephone demanded, glaring at them."Dating game my pink patooti! I've got a scream and I know how to use it!"  
  
Hades rolled his eyes, not for the first time that day. "Oh please, not the damsel in distress routine.It's getting boring. Relax. Living in the underworld's not as bad as they all say it is up there. You get a free heated pool, all the food you can eat, twenty four hour entertainment and you get to rule half my kingdom. Besides, I hear your mother's a real bitch." he added, to her chagrin.   
  
"For your information, hotlips, my MOTHER is NOT a bitch! She lets me out...occasionally." she added meekly.   
  
Meanwhile, Persephone had been discreetly unworking Pleasure and Peace's mouth gags and ropes. They promptly screamed their tiny lungs out, momentarily throwing the chariot off course. Persephone laughed, and Hades flamed...literally.   
  
"What in the blue blazes is THAT?"   
  
Pain and Panic quickly gagged them again. "Got it under control, Boss, no problem." Panic said with a nervous laugh. Hades just growled and whipped the gryphon to fly faster. 


	3. Gondola!

Chapter 3: Gondola!  
  
  
When the gryphon's wingbeats slowed to a stop just inside the entrance tunnel to Hades' abode, Cerebus jumped out and started barking...very loudly. Persephone screamed and clutched Hades before realizing she was doing so, to his immense pleasure. In the next instant, she acted on impulse and threw some glowing dust on the hellhound's noses. She usually used this stuff to make flowers grow, but for now it made a good hellhound repellant. Cerebus sneezed so hard they were all blown out of the chariot, and then whimpered as a bouquet of flowers sprouted out of all three noses. He then turned and scampered down the hall with his tail between his legs. Hades was impressed.   
  
"I've NEVER been able to make him do that! You know, sweetcheeks, you're multitalented. Unlike THESE two..." he stuck his face close to Pain and Panic to emphasize his point. They smiled in a cheesy, nervous way. Persephone refused to return the sentiment.   
  
"Whatever."  
  
Hades' smile faded.   
  
Meanwhile, Pain and Panic, Pleasure and Peace had started a fight morphing into various things and were holding up their progress. Pain and Panic turned into nets that they threw over the girls, but they turned into bees and slipped through the holes. Then, the boys turned into flyswatters to flatten them into submission, but the girls became themselves and tied the flyswatters into knots, giggling with not so innocent glee. Persephone looked back and winked at them. Even Hades had to smile.   
  
"They need somebody to keep 'em in line. Good work, girls." Pleasure and Peace exchanged glances. That was NOT what they had expected to hear. They all started walking toward the river Styx to where a boat was waiting.   
  
"How long does this 'date' last?" Persephone asked indignantly, kicking at a piece of hard something on the floor. It could have been a rock - it could have been a bone. "Let's get this nightmare over with so I can get back to my normal life. I'm used to blessing vegetables and frolicking in the meadow, know what I mean?"  
  
"Oh, let me take a wild guess..." Hades paused in mock drama. "Forever. I hate to break it to you, Sunshine, but Morpheus' evil twin brother has booked you on an extended underground tour. You're here to stay. You're the Yin for my Yang, see what I'm sayin'?"  
  
Persephone crossed her arms as they got in the boat. "I hear you eat worms." she muttered in disgust. Pleasure and Peace made a face.   
  
"Ewwwwww!" they said in emphasis. Hades rolled his eyes.   
  
"Where else ya' gonna find protein in a place like this?" he countered as the boat was pushed off by a creepy skeleton. "Besides, all you aboveground people eat are fruits and nuts. No wonder you're all nutty." He gaffawed at his own bad joke. "Nutty! Get it? I KILL myself..."  
  
Just then, a slow song started up from out of nowhere and Hades started singing:  
  
"They say I'm a baddy  
Indeed, that's too true  
But I've never met a goddess like you  
I wanna be your sugardaddy  
If only they knew  
Bad guys have feelings too."  
  
(Souls in the river rise up and provide the underground equivalent of the Muses background singing...I'll leave that to your imagination)  
  
Pain and Panic manifest an organ and start playing an ominous song, cutting into Hades' crooning, looking back at Persephone and her friends with evil grins. A blast of fire from Hades cuts them short and he continues.   
  
"Up there the sun's so bright you can't see  
It's better down in the shadows with me  
Why stay up there as Mommy's little girl  
When in my world you can be totally free  
Persephone, babe, I'll do anything for you  
Bad guys have feelings too."  
  
By this time, they had all gotten out of the boat and were standing at the entrance to what Pain and Panic jokingly referred to as the throne room. All eyes were on Persephone as Hades finished his song. "I'm deeply moved..." she said in an unconvincing monotone. "But no dice."  
  
Hades flamed, then quickly supressed it. "Com'on, babe, gimme a chance." he said softly. "I've been reduced to begging. Me, begging a girl!" he added more to himself than to her. "Oy vei! Pain, Panic! Set the table!"  
  
The pair materialized a buffet table with a full spread. Persephone was suprized to see normal looking food on it, but raised her eyebrow in suspicion. "You better not be trying anything funny here, Blueboy."  
  
Hades did his best innocent impersonation. "Me?" he put one hand on his chest. "Of course not! I save that for Herc and his friends. Go ahead, dig in. I promise there's no creepy crawly stuff."  
  
Someone had taken half a peach and put six pomegranate seeds around it in the shape of a smily face. Persephone had to giggle when she saw it, not recognizing the meaning of the number of seeds, or what eating them would mean. "Nice touch." she smiled hesitantly looking up at Hades. A slow and triumphant smile spread across his own face as she ate the peach until he literally glowed with sadistic pleasure.   
  
Now she couldn't leave even if she tried. 


	4. Don't Call Me Babe

Chapter 4: Don't Call Me Babe  
  
  
Persephone snapped her fingers, but no flash of light came. Hades smirked at her from across the table, sucking in a succulent worm casually through his puckered up mouth like it was a piece of spaghetti.   
  
"Hate to be the one to tell ya this, babe, but your powers are null and void down here as of right now." He shrugged casually, enjoying her seething with every twitch of her face. "You've bought a one-way ticket on the Pomegranate Express."  
  
Persephone stood up, breathing like a raging rhino. Her hair, which had turned a flaming blue like Hades' now that she was underground, flared like a mandorla around her pale form and knocked Pain and Panic, smoking, off their seats.   
  
"DON'T .....CALL.....ME.....BABE!" she roared, sending up a small tsunami over the table that sent most of the food tumbling to wrap around Hades' neck. He just stared, flameless for once, at the goddess'es gaul. What a set'a lungs! It hadn't produced the effect she'd desired - all it did was convince him even more that she was the girl of his dreams.   
  
"Did anybody ever tell you you're irresistable when you're angry?"  
  
Pain and Panic, however, had taken an exit stage left, and Pleasure and Peace were cowering under the table.   
  
Persephone drew herself up to her full height, which was still only at Hades' shoulder, and shrieked: "If you don't let me out of here RIGHT NOW, I'm going to feed you to Crebreus, then I'll put more flowers in his noses and make him sneeze you into the Styx!"  
  
For a moment, Hades' guard fell down. A look of fear quickly crossed his face. He was still recovering from his dunking a few days ago and the memory was all too fresh. But he kept his non-chalant demeanor as he replied:  
  
"Read the fine print, sweetcheeks. Six pomegranate seeds, six months here with me. Six with Mommy, capish?"  
  
The realization she'd been tricked enraged Persephone to full battle mode, and knowing she'd been beaten, picked up the remaining pomegranate fruit and squashed it over Hades' nose. Now he looked like a clown from hell. "I see we're in agreement." he muttered powerlessly, cursing himself for letting a mere female stand up to him. "She hates me."  
Persephone, meanwhile, was running through the tunnels, trying to remember which one they'd flown in when the blue bastard had kidnapped her here. When she got to the main cavern where all the tunnels met, Cerberus immediately jumped out in front of her, growling. He wasn't happy with the flower-nose-sprouting incident, and refused to let go of the grudge. Besides, as far as he was concerned, she was fair game.   
  
"Cerberus, nice doggy..."  
"RRRRR\RRRRRRRRRR!!!"  
  
Persephone held up her hand. Afraid she was going to turn him into a Chia-pet again, he turned tail, whining down one of the tunnels. "Good doggy." Persephone grinned wryly. Now she was free.   
  
Now if she could only find the way out...  
  
She tried blasting a hole in the roof, but all it served was to sprout flowered vines along the arch. "Gives it a nice touch." she thought to herself, inspecting her work. "He could use a little greenery besides the mold down here..." The so-called "ecosystem" consisted of fungus, sulpheric acid water (from what she could see) and slime molds. What she would give for one of Zeus' lightening bolts right now. She slumped down against the wall, the full effect of her situation hitting her. She couldn't get out. She was trapped. Hades had actually been generous. After all, he could have given her twelve seeds and then she would have donned the goth look year round.   
  
She knew everybody on Olympus and their dog was out looking for her by now. She had no idea how much time had passed in this dungeon. She had to admit Hades was one of the more...interesting...gods, although his dating techniques were aggressive. The guy didn't take no for an answer. Next time she saw him, which was hopefully from a great distance back home, she would tell him he needed to get out more. Like WAY out. Her boyfriend Hermes would be looking harder for her than anyone else. She knew he was out there right now, fluttering around like a moth on fermented wine. Hermes...  
  
...as if on cue, the little blue god's voice suddenly sounded from the direction from which she'd ran. Catching her breath, Persephone thought of something. If she could distract Hades somehow and get him out of the room so she could go to Hermes...  
  
Just then, Pain and Panic came skidding to a halt in front of her. They looked at her in terror. They were more afraid of her than their own master. She could use that to her advantage.   
  
"Looking for me?" she smiled in mock warmth down at them.   
  
"Uh, no, we were looking for the girls." Panic said, his eyes darting around.   
  
"Yeah." echoed Pain, scratching his butt with the point of his tail. "We're playing hide and seek, only they're doing most of the hidin'."  
  
They both cracked up. Persephone rolled her eyes before making her proposition. "Shouldn't you be looking for ME? Isn't that what Blueboy sent you to do?" she battered her eyelashes innocently. They looked at each other, a lightbulb going off over their combined heads.   
  
"BOSS! WE FOUND HER!!!" they yelled in unison. Persephone saw her cue, and scampered out of the chamber to hide behind a stacalite in the tunnel near the throneroom where her Hermes now hovered, demanding her appearance from Hades. Oh, she was gonna give him one, all right. As the black cloud blooms of Hades' robe appeared around the corner, Persephone darted into the room where Hermes was, throwing herself on him and knocking him out midflight.   
  
"Ssssh!" she covered his protesting mouth. "It's me!" She had to supress her own shriek as he grabbed her, smiling widely.   
  
"Sephhy, babe!" He was sobbing hysterically, fogging up his glasses. "I'm gonna get you outta here. We've been looking for ya for DAYS! You're mom's so pissed she's put the whole mortal country on permanent hibernation." Persephone knew what that meant. It meant people were dying up above with no crops and nasty weather to boot.   
  
"Take me up, Loverboy."   
  
But when he flew to the top with her, his head came through but hers didn't. The resulting shriek of pain brought a raging Hades back into the room. He stood there, crossing his blue arms, black billows around him.   
  
"Mind if I smoke?" he said casually, as his whole body suddenly erupted along with his following words. "TAKE A HIKE HERMES! SHE'S NOT GOING ANYWHERE!" The little blue god shot up like a firework, landing right in front of Zeus' throne. "And it's a hole in one." Hades said smugly, mock-buffing his claws on his robe.   
  
Persephone turned on him, her own form flaming. "I'm gonna KILL YOU!!!" she yelled, lunging at his robe to try to wrap it around his neck. "Better yet, my MOTHER'S gonna kill you!"  
  
Hades had a tough time prising the enraged goddess off him. He had underestimated her strength and had to admit he'd met his match. "Hey, hey, don't touch the merchandise just yet." he teased. "Save it for our wedding night."  
  
"ARRRGGGHHHH!!!"  
  
Persephone had somehow managed to tie a pretzel over Hades' neck, and was now working on lethally tightening it, when Pain and Panic rushed in.   
  
"Uh, I hope we're not interrupting anything, your Omnipotence, but your date's mommy is here."  
  
Both Hades and Persephone dropped their wrestling match.   
  
"Holy cornhusks." they both chimed. 


	5. A Brand New God

Chapter 5: A Brand New God  
  
  
If looks could kill, Demeter's glare would have made anyone ask: "Is it live, or is it Hammerex?"  
  
Faster than you could say "Medusa's on the rag", she jumped in between Persephone and Hades and literally planted both feet in the ground, brandishing her flowering staff at the son-in-law wannabe.   
  
"You have some explaining to do, and you'd better make it fast!"  
  
Hades put up his hands defensively. Scratch Hectate off the list as goddess to be most feared, he made a mental note to himself. "Chill, babe. Sepphy's only here for a visit...albeit a six month visit...I got my hands full as it is, here. Incoming soul count is up by a gazillion, and everybody's doin' overtime because Mommy's little girl has gone missing. Tell ya what, I'll make ya a deal. See, me and Seph have an understanding..." here he looked meaningfully and warningly at Persephone over Demeter's shoulder. Persephone glared at him every bit as menacingly as her mother..."actuallyitwasthepomograniteseedsbut she agrees to kick it with me for six months, then she can go back to the land of sunshine."  
  
Demeter's hand tightened on her staff. "Pomegranate seeds? POMEGRANITE SEEDS???"  
  
"Is there an echo?"  
  
"YOU TRICKED HER!!!"  
  
Persephone intervened. "Mother, please listen. My life isn't worth killing off half of the mortal world. Hades is a bastard, but he's a bastard with...redeeming qualities."  
  
Both Demeter and Hades looked at her like she'd lost her mind. She ignored them and continued, seeing as they weren't long on words at the moment.   
  
"I admit I'm still not thrilled with the situation, and the decor's not exactly Hanging Home and Garden material, but it's time I got out on my own. I'll still see you and Hermes six months out of the year. Besides, I'm not into regurgetating my food."  
  
"Young lady, you've lost your mind! Look at your beautiful hair! It's freakish! You're already turning into one of THEM!" She turned and sobbed into her hands. Persephone tried in vain to comfort her. Her tears fell on a clump of ooze spread over some rocks and moss with daisies sprung up.   
  
"Hey, now we can really say they're pushing up daisies!" Hades chortled.   
  
"Shut up, you monster!" Demeter shrieked, clutching her daughter, who looked downright miserable.   
  
"Mother, please!"  
  
"Yeah, mom, puh-leeze!" mocked Hades, impatient for this fiasco to be over. "A deal's a deal, already, sheesh!" He didn't tell either one of them that he'd originally sent Pain and Panic to give Persephone twelve seeds, and they'd lost the rest enroute. "Besides, do you want her to be your little schnookems forever? Once you get past the flames, the sulpher and the horrors of the afterlife, I'm not a bad guy. Really. Besides, the little lady grows on ya."  
  
Demeter had now stopped crying and now looked indignant. Persephone now looked confused, her mouth twitching between wanting to break into a shy smile at Hades' subtle admission of smittenness and falling open in shock.   
  
"I bet you say that to ALL the goddessess!" Demeter sniffed. "My poor little baby girl..."  
  
"Please Mother, that's MY line! And besides, I kinda like my hair..."  
  
The slightest flicker of a smile now did play over Persephone's features, like a shy cat coming out of hiding in her new surroundings. "I promise I'll come back to you if you'll bring things back to normal topside." she said to Demeter, who looked faintly calmer, if only faintly.   
  
Demeter sighed, throwing her hands up. "I give up! I'm cutting the girdle strings. It's your life Persephone. But Hermes is NOT going to be happy, and neither is anyone else. At least you're not hurt. I swear, Hades, if you lay ONE FINGER on my little girl, I'll put you so far down into the ground a thousand Hercules wouldn't be able to dig you out in a billion years!"  
  
With that, she turned in a huff and was gone.   
  
"Like mother, like daughter." Hades observed. "Well, at least this means my work schedule's back to normal. As for you..." he wrapped a smoke tentacle around Persephone's shoulder..."you got six months to go before the sun shines, so you might as well get comfortable."  
  
Persephone pulled away with a scowl. "I said I'd stay, I didn't say I'd LIKE it!" And she, too, marched off in a huff, catching Hades' butt with the tail end of her hair as she whipped it around. He jumped.   
  
"Hey, you DO play hard to get." he said with a sly smile.   
  
"BITE ME!"  
  
Hades just laughed low in his throat. "Don't tempt me..." he muttered.   
  
* * *  
  
Hades heaved a big sigh as he approached the doors to the Heavenly Bodies spa on Olympus. A god knew when he was having a mental breakdown if he succomed to THIS. He was about to be totally humiliated beyond all doubt.   
  
He was getting a makeover.  
  
And who but Narcissus would be the head beautitian.   
  
Hades growled as he approached the smiling nymph attendants, smiling only because he'd threatened to give everybody a permanent makeover of his own in the river Styx if they didn't cooperate. Narcissis was all too happy to serve him. He needed a break from staring in the mirror once in awhile. And Hades was a morbidly welcome challenge he couldn't refuse.   
  
"Hey, everybody, we're gonna do a makeover!" he shouted to the attendants, gods and goddesses in the salon. Several "woo-woos", shouts and clapping sounded from around the room while music started up from out of nowhere. Narcissis started singing.   
  
"Hades, bro, you're a long way from where you wanna be!  
The root of all your problems is that you don't look like me!  
Now this is gonna hurt you ..."   
  
Here he plunged Hades face into a basin of water that shorted out his hair.Hades fought back the shriek of rage and homicidal tendancies that erupted. "You're doing this for Persephone." he reminded himself with another growl deep in his throat.   
  
Narcissis jerked Hades' head back up into a vertical position, and marched him over to the middle of the room, where the nymphs started dancing around him, materializing various instruments of cosmetic torture.   
  
"Now, what shall we do?" Narcissis said playfully. "A facial!"  
  
"A facial!" Medusa's voice echoed from behind her cucumber mask as she sat with curlers for the snakes in her hair.   
  
"A manicure!" shouted Narcissis, gesturing to Athena, who brandished her dragon claw nails, complete with sword gems.  
  
"A manicure!" echoed Athena, looking threateningly at Hades.   
  
"A body wrap!"   
  
"A body wrap!" yelled back Aphrodite in said wrap. Hades growled seductively.   
  
Before Hades knew what was happening, he was being poked, prodded, painted, smeared with gunk, and laid out on a reclining chair. Narcissis contined singing, now with the Muses, who were enjoying this way too much. They provided the backup for the chorus.   
  
"Who's the one they can't resist, the brand new god!  
Who's on the most wanted list, the brand new god!  
Why not try it on for size  
Guarantee she'll get a rise!  
  
Hades didn't hear the rest because somebody had taken a rotating whetting stone to file down his gnargly toenails. Sparks flew and Hades shrieked, his hair flaming. Somebody then stood him up, spun him around and he found himself in a black outfit whose top was slanted at his chest, and the bottom pointed handkerchief style to reveal his six pack stomach. He looked down further and saw a gold naval ring. He zapped it when nobody was looking and turned it into a skull. His robe was gone and he now wore a pair of tight black vinyl pants. All the females in the room now stared at him in shock, and few catcalled, especially when he stood up to inspect his new visage in the mirror.   
  
"Woa!" he exclaimed.   
  
The dark circles were gone around his eyes, and his teeth had been made sparkling white. He had a gold ring dangling from one ear.   
  
The music finished just at that moment, and Hades had to admit he looked pretty damn good.   
  
He nearly knocked Narcissis off his feet when he clapped him on the back. "I gotta hand it to ya, pretty boy, you didn't do a half bad job here. She'll be all over me like ants over a buffet table at one of Bacchas' parties."  
  
But Narcissis wasn't listening to him. He had already gone back to his mirror. Hades rolled his eyes. "See ya, wouldn't wanna be ya..."  
  
With a snap of his fingers, he was back home. His eyes narrowed with glee. "I think the wedding date just moved up..." he said, moving off in the direction of the throne room. A group of female souls rose out of the river Styx to catcall him.   
  
"Nice butt!"  
  
Hades zapped them back down. "Get an afterlife." He yelled before turning around to smirk in self-satisfaction. Next stop, Persephone. He strode to the bottom of the winding stone staircase lit with blue torches and yelled for Pain and Panic, but they didn't appear. Huffing, his black cloud billows around his feet rose and he increased his speed to their room to look for them.   
  
He opened the door to a loud and very dubious party. Colored lights rotated around the room, splashing the walls with a kalaidescope. Pain and Panic lounged on pillows with Pleasure and Peace, stoned out of their minds. Lava lamps flowed and loud grunge rock music blared from an unseen source as they looked up at Hades with bloodshot eyes. Pain hastily snuffed out the pot joint on one of the pillows, missing the floor in his shock at seeing his pissed-off master. Pleasure and Peace, who had had their heads in their laps staring at the light show on the ceiling, now shot up and hid behind them.   
  
"WHAT IS THIS???" Hades roared, throwing his hands up wildly.   
  
Panic laughed lethargically. "Peace, Man!" he made the peace sign with his fingers. Hades blew his top, literally.   
  
"Have a piece of THIS!" he yelled, zapping the music, the lights, and the imps off their pillows. They streaked out of the room with Pleasure and Peace right behind. Hades stormed off to the throne room.   
  
Note to self...fire Pain and Panic, literally.   
  
As soon as I put the moves on Sunshine...  
  
In a flash, he had set a table for two complete with a candelabra. This would be a private party, no minions allowed. And now, the lure...  
  
He had Panic steal Persephone's pendant she always kept around her neck except when she slept, and despite his hangover, he swiped it off the table next to her bed. When she came running and huffing into the dining room, she stopped short upon seeing the new Hades.   
  
"Looking for this?" he held up the pendant. Persephone got a dazed look on her face and seemed to have forgotten about it.   
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Need a reminder? Your most prized possession, the one you never leave home or the Underworld without? You know, like the Greek Express card?"  
  
"Oh, that." she said absentmindedly, staring at him. Hades smirked. His new look was working. Narcissis, I owe you one...  
  
He had to keep the mood going. He was on a roll. He snapped his fingers as slow music started and food trays appeared. Finally, Persephone found her voice.   
  
"Who are you and what have you done with Hades?"  
  
Hades chuckled, smoothly reaching out smoke tendrils to drape the chain around her neck.  
He leaned back in the chair and put his booted feet up on it, then lit a cigar. "I kidnapped him and held him for ransom, my sweet."  
  
"Very funny."   
Persephone was finding it increasingly hard to keep up the sarcastic and oblivious act when this new and improved stud was in front of her. "Nice leather." she continued, trying to sound casual. "How many animals did you have to kill to get those pants?"  
  
Hades laughed, then blew a heart shaped smoke ring over her head. "You got a good sense of humor, you know that? You'd think we were related."  
  
Seph took a sip of her pomegranite wine, now thankfully devoid of seeds, and stared at him over the rim. Gods, he looked hot! Hot, oh, I just made a funny...  
  
She chuckled to herself, which made Hades narrow his eyes with pleasure. Hook, line and sinker...  
  
"You know, you're almost civilized tonight." she continued, smirking. "But I'm still gonna keep one eye open when I sleep." Hades slinked over behind her and leaned over her chair, his form misting and curling all around her.   
  
"You won't have to worry about sleeping tonight." he said in a low seductive tone that made her shiver though she tried desperately to hide it.   
  
"Uh..." Persephone hesitated..."check please." 


	6. The Underworld Underground the horror t...

Chapter 6: The Underworld Underground  
  
  
  
If she hadn't been prepared for life in the Underworld, NOTHING could prepare Persephone for the horror that was Hades' bedroom.  
  
There was a reason it was underground.   
  
The bed was a cushioned replica of his black chariot, minus the griffons. It was currently in a state of disarray with the rest of the room, if it could be called that. The bedcovers had been wrapped around the gargoyled posts as if a tornado had hit, and Persephone couldn't tell if this was due to one of Hades' rages, nightmares, or rampaging minions. A giant reptilian looking eye mural covered the entire wall behind the bed, its iris swirling with abstract spiral motifs.   
  
A candelabra with blue flames that echoed the torches to the grand staircase swung above the bed. The cave walls wound eerily and roughly around the room, containing hidden niches that hid no doubt dubious things. The floor was garnished with several worn and shredded copies of Helle's Weekly, most of the shredded pictures being any denizen of Mt. Olympus. There were also not so cleverly hidden copies of Greek Games Illustrated: The Nymph Swimtoga Edition, and Playgod placed nearer the bed. Hades quickly slid the incriminating evidence under the bed with a swipe from his foot.   
  
"Make yourself at home, babe." he growled seductively at the staring Persephone as he started a whooshing fire in the house-sized rock fireplace across the room. He settled down in front of it in a reclining position and stared at her through narrowed eyes.   
  
Persephone walked slowly around the room and gave it a once-over before settling down at the foot of the bed, her flaming blue hair unintentionally framed within the eye mural in back of her. Hades just lounged on the Caledonian boar rug and growled. Persephone smirked.   
  
"Either that rug isn't dead yet or you've got a bad case of gas." she teased.   
  
Hades chuckled. "Strike two, babe. Neither. The thing is, you're a rose and I'm a little...thorny." he wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. Persephone rolled her eyes in a mock show of indifference.   
  
"I'm still a vestal virgin. I shouldn't even be SEEING the inside of your love-den."  
  
Hades reached out a tendril of smoke and twined it around a lock of her hair. "Call it a slumber party without the slumber." he said as the tendril grew until it circled her waist. He drew her to a sitting position beside him on the rug as unfamiliar but sensuous music with a slow soul beat started up out of nowhere that sounded suspiciously like "I'm Qualified to Satisfy You" by Barry White (that Eye of the Future fate could come in REAL handy sometimes;):  
I know how to love you  
I know how to do it to you  
I know how to make you feel like you wanna feel  
But I can.t lose what I used  
  
I.m qualified to satisfy you  
Anyway you want me to  
Qualified to satisfy you  
Anyway you want me to  
  
Qualified to satisfy you  
Anyway you want me to  
I.m qualified to satisfy you  
Anyway you want me to  
  
Some times you need lovin.  
Morning, noon and night  
Makes no difference when it is  
My darling, it.s alright  
  
I.m your man and you know I can  
Make you feel the way you want to  
Just tell me whatever you need  
And that.s what I.m gonna do  
  
I.m qualified to satisfy you  
Anyway you want me to  
Qualified to satisfy you  
Anyway you want me to  
  
I.m qualified to satisfy you  
Anyway you want me to  
I.m qualified to satisfy you  
Anyway you want me to  
  
When it comes to lovin. you  
No one could love you more  
There.s no contest, I know I.m the best  
.Cause you.re all I.m livin. for  
  
I.m your man and you know I can  
Make you feel the way you want to  
Girl, just tell me whatever you need  
And that.s what I.m gonna do  
  
I.m qualified to satisfy you  
In anyway you want me to  
Qualified to satisfy-fy you  
Anyway you want me to  
  
Qualified to satisfy-fy you  
Anyway you want me to  
Qualified to satisfy you  
Anyway you want me to  
  
Qualified to satisfy you  
Anyway you want me to  
By the time Hades was finished singing, and prowling around her like a tiger in heat, and flirting with her like a well-paid lounge singer, he and Persephone were lip-locked like teenagers at a New Year's bash. If Pain and Panic had walked in on them they would have seen one giant fireball.   
  
And in fact, they did.  
  
"Boss have you seen the November issue of Swimtoga.....WOAH!!!!!!"  
  
They had to jump out of the way as the flames from Hades' head whipped around and almost toasted their ankles. "PAIN! PANIC! WHAT did I tell you about coming in here unannounced?! GET OUUUUTTT!!!"  
  
"Yes, your Red Hot Loverness!" mocked Panic as he and Pain streaked out of the room, snagging their wanted magazine in the process. Hades growled in quite a different way at their retreating forms, then turned back to Persephone. "Now where were we?"  
  
Persephone stretched seductively and wrapped her own flaming hair around Hades back like tendrils as she pulled him to her. "On our way to Olympus?"   
  
Hades laughed low in his throat and resumed his gentle nuzzling of her neck with the tips of his fangs. "Round trip, Babe." 


End file.
